There’s a certain term in astrology that I instantly found fascinating when I first learned about it: Saturn return.

To put it simply, it’s when Saturn completes a full revolution and returns to the same position in the sky it occupied at one’s birth. This occurs approximately every 29.5 years and typically lasts about three years. Saturn governs maturity and responsibilities, and we feel its influence more during this time. If we’re fortunate, we may experience three Saturn returns in our lifetimes — the first in our late 20s, the second in our late 50s, and the third in our late 80s. Each return brings a distinct shift in our lives, significant changes, existential crises, and more questions than answers.

The first Saturn return is the astrological coming-of-age that marks the beginning of true adulthood. It signifies reformation, introspection, and re-evaluation of the life we’ve been living so far, relinquishing things that no longer serve us, and making conscious decisions about what direction we want to take moving forward. There’s a reason why it coincides with our late 20s. Our frontal lobes have just fully developed, and we are much more certain of what we want and what we don’t.

I am aware that mine is currently in full swing. Although I have to be honest, most of my 20s have already felt like one long Saturn return anyway. I felt constantly lost for a very long time, figuring out what I wanted to be, questioning where I should be by now, or if I was doing things right. Thankfully, because of that, my first Saturn return so far hasn’t been as turbulent, unnerving, or blindsiding as I expected it to be. Rather than something to fear or need to survive, I view it as a graduation that’s something to be happy about. I honor the person writing this now, because she is vastly different from the person I was who entered this decade of life. I’m proud of how far I’ve come, of my growth and maturity.

And today, I’m turning 30.

But before I open this chapter, I would like to write this super cheesy (and maybe cringey) blog post and take one last time to commemorate the significant experiences of my 20s: my firsts, the victories and heartbreaks, the things that changed me, and the lessons and discoveries I made about myself. All the joys, the tears, the fears and anxieties, the anger and confusion shaped who I am now. Even if I’m given the chance for a do-over, I would gladly live the same way and make the same choices all over again.

The Lessons & Realizations (these aren’t going to be 30, I promise 😂)

Health is wealth. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror lately, I see someone who isn’t as fresh and glowing anymore. I see a new gray hair sprout every now and then, and the creases of my forehead and crow’s feet become more prominent each day. It gets harder to lose weight because my metabolism is slowing down. I experience headaches, insomnia, anxiety, back and neck pain, and my vision has gotten worse. Paying attention to and taking care of our bodies becomes increasingly important as we grow older. I always remind myself that it’s the only vessel I’ll ever have for my soul in this lifetime. Exercise, hydrate, eat cleaner food, sleep well, de-stress, and schedule regular check-ups with your doctor, dentist, and optometrist. Your future self will thank you for it.
Many childhood and teenage friendships do not translate well and survive adulthood. There is a certain charm and nostalgia in the people who saw you while you were growing up and innocent about the world. And you will always have that past bond and shared experiences that you can cherish and reminisce about. But you will inevitably lose some people you once thought you would never drift apart from. You will necessarily cut off those that become parasitic and toxic, and naturally outgrow the ones that were neglected or no longer work. Losing friends doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Life simply happens. It introduces us to the right people at the right moment, and filters out the ones who have fulfilled their purpose in our lives. And in the words of the great Ted Mosby, “You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.”
Every problem has a solution. Even when it feels like it doesn’t. This is a belief that holds so much weight in many aspects of my life, especially in my career. Sometimes it may feel like it’s the end of the world, but there’s your keyword, right there: end. Everything has an ending, including our hardships. Don’t lose hope.
Dreams are the fuel of life. They are what give it meaning and purpose. They are what keeps us going. Which is why when they don’t come true, it feels like we failed. Recently, I was browsing our high school yearbook, and I found it crazy how most of us wrote jobs as our ambitions. I wrote that I wanted to be a dermatologist. But right when it was finally time to apply for med school, I was hit by the realization that I didn’t want it enough after all to take that pivotal step. My intuition just knew it wasn’t for me. I didn’t become a doctor, but heck, I didn’t become anything else I’ve dreamed of becoming anyway, like an astronaut, an actress, a nurse, a writer, a non-showbiz gf, or a CEO’s wife (LOL). Dreams don’t die, they only either come true or evolve. There’s no absolute failure, only success you haven’t realized yet. Don’t beat yourself up for the things you couldn’t fulfill; transform them into things you can.
Everything you lose is a step you take. (Yes, I’m borrowing this from T. Swift’s “You’re On Your Own, Kid”) I know this is a cliché, but everything happens for a reason. Every tragedy, heartbreak, and rejection isn’t a dead end but a redirection. They’re God’s way of telling us that it wasn’t in His plans for us. It’s perfectly okay to grieve, but don’t let it paralyze you.
Success is subjective. Whenever I ask myself, “Have I made it?” Another question immediately follows: What does making it even mean? I grew up in a country where success is measured by money, fame, titles, wealth, and awards. And for a while, that had also been my mentality. I strived hard to graduate with honors, pass the boards, move abroad, land a stable job, and earn big money. I followed society’s blueprint for success…but I didn’t feel successful at all in that sense. Because over time, my views about it changed. While I am proud of all the things I have achieved in my life, I found greater fulfillment in the relationships I’ve maintained and fostered, in having the liberty to do the things I love, realizing my worth, upholding my dignity, and having the capability to help others. Being able to live a peaceful and quiet life is a big triumph in itself. At the end of the day, we are the only ones qualified to say if we’ve made it. We set our own criteria for success. And by my definition, I am incredibly successful.
Learn to discern what opinions to listen to. I believe it’s necessary for our self-development to pay attention to what other people say about us. Reconciling their perception of us and our awareness about ourselves will lead to recognizing and nurturing our strengths, fixing our bad habits, and embracing our imperfections. It may be difficult, but we need to learn which words matter: the ones coming from a place of love and concern.
Dating is hard, and marriage is not for everyone. I find it ironic how harder it is to find genuine relationships at a time when the world is more connected than ever via social media. Call me old-school, but I still believe in and dream of finding love via meet-cutes and serendipity, not on a dating app. But then again, finding love is a miracle per se. But I’ve started to see it as a bonus, rather than a main goal in life. In religion class, we learned about three types of vocation: religious life, marriage, and single blessedness. I know I’m still young, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that maybe the last one is my calling. I’ve always prayed to God for happiness, and maybe keeping me single is His answer to that. I feel like I have built a great life for myself so far, and I’m beyond lucky and blessed. I admit it does feel lonely at times, but just because no one has fallen in love with me yet, doesn’t mean I’m not loved or that something is wrong with me. I receive enough love from my family & friends that I don’t feel incomplete or that I’m missing out on something. Whatever vocation we’re called to in life, the most important thing is to love ourselves first and foremost.
Living in the present is more important than the future. 1/3 of our lives, we absolutely have no control over. We cannot manipulate the past. We did not get to have a say over our origin, our family, our birthplace, our nationality, or our upbringing. But we are in charge of writing our present, which will consequently shape our future. A lot of us get caught up too much in planning for the future, when tomorrow is not even guaranteed. We forget to live in the moment. Which brings me to this next and final point..
Life is truly short. As I came to terms with the realities of life and death, I realized it truly is a privilege and a miracle to be able to wake up every single day. It is something to be grateful for. Every breath, every movement you make, the ability to think clearly, to remember, to make choices and decisions. Every heartbeat, every emotion you feel, every win, no matter how small. All of these things are worth celebrating. Our youth sometimes makes us forget that we don’t get to live forever. Our time here is limited; stop hesitating, regretting, and resenting. Stop holding on to the things and people that don’t value us and make us unhappy. Make sure your loved ones feel your love, and live every day like it’s your last.

The Highs & Lows

20 (2015)

*Traveled solo for the first time*

Batanes will always be one of my favorite places ever. Aside from its raw beauty, it holds a special spot in my heart because this is where I first experienced traveling alone and found it to be my best form of therapy.

21 (2016)

*Won an Instagram contest and went to New Zealand as the prize*

I’ve never won anything in my life until that point. After randomly posting my Batanes photos on Instagram and writing heartfelt captions, I won Globe’s contest with a trip to New Zealand as the prize. I went on that trip with other 3 other winners, and we had such a great time getting to know each other, while exploring Auckland, Hobbiton, and Rotorua.

*First time to go camping*

What was supposed to be a just day trip to Nagsasa Cove suddenly became an overnight camping one. We didn’t even bring clothes with us, thank god there was a sari-sari store on the cove, so at least we didn’t starve.

*Traveled around the Philippines*

I dreamed of completing Project 81 (or I guess 82 now), the travel goal of visiting all the provinces of the Philippines. For a good chunk of my early 20s (between 2016-2019), before leaving for the US, I traveled from Batanes all the way to the southernmost province of Tawi-Tawi. It was a life-changing experience for me. I learned to appreciate and love my country and heritage more, and I got to discover new things about myself in the process. I’m still a few provinces short, but I’m determined to finish it (and maybe do it all over again someday)!

22 (2017)

*Went back to school for a year and graduated again*

I had to return to UST for a year. I had to earn my clinical pharmacy degree to be eligible to take the FPGEE in the US.

*Climbed my first mountain*

And boy, it was the majestic Mt. Pulag! As much as I love traveling (and sometimes hiking), I’m not exactly a mountaineer. But when Kim and Francis asked if I wanted to go with them for a 3D2N camping trip to Mt. Pulag, I instantly agreed. It was a beautiful (and cold) climb, and the view at the summit was just breathtaking.

*Got my heart broken…and finally moved on from my first love*

For a very long time, I was chasing after something that, in hindsight, was never really worth it. However, I do not have any regrets about pouring my heart out and giving my all, because I was able to experience what it was like and discover my own capability to love someone. I never thought I would survive my first (and hopefully last) romantic heartbreak, but it has made me so much stronger and wiser. And of course, I did it the only way I know how: through travel.

23 (2018)

*First time to cut my hair short*

Since I was a child, I’ve always had long hair. One day, I had an urge to cut it above the shoulder, and I actually loved it.

*Got my first tattoos*

I wasn’t planning on getting tattoos. But after getting so many cuts, bruises and a sprain while hiking to Buscalan just to see Apo Whang-od, I said “F*ck it, let’s go.” And I got two! It was one of my final trips before moving to the US, and those tattoos are the ultimate epitome of my love for the Philippines.

*Moved to the US*

I knew it was never going to be easy to move to an unfamiliar place and leave a life I’ve always known and loved behind. But it was something that had to be done. I know I was luckier than most because I didn’t have to start from total scratch. I was reunited with my parents, and I had friends from back home who also moved here that I could rely on. But despite that, it still hadn’t been smooth sailing. I battled with homesickness for the first couple of months; I overthought and cried a lot, and I would always bother and video call my friends in the Philippines. I even started a diary to cope. I didn’t work for a year after I got here. My parents didn’t know about the emotional turmoil I was going through, but I’m beyond grateful to them for helping me adjust, not pressuring me, and for being just supportive of me. That difficult time eventually passed, and I started looking forward to a better future. Now that the future is here, I can say I’m happy that I was able to build a life here that I love just as much as my old one.

*Attended my first concert*

I’ve always told myself Taylor Swift was the only artist I would spend money on to see live. After two missed opportunities to see her in the Philippines, I finally got to watch her perform during her LA stop for rep tour!

Learned how to drive

I never really needed to learn how to drive back in the Philippines because we had plenty of options for public transportation. When I moved to the US, I finally had to learn it, especially because I live in a very car-centric city.

24 (2019)

*Went home to the Philippines twice that year, and explored SEA*

I entered and won another Instagram contest, this time by Passion Passport. I won a round-trip plane ticket to go “home.” It was such perfect timing, because I was planning to go back to the Philippines to attend a wedding in March anyway. I went back again for a short stop in November, then went on a trip to SG and Bali with my friends, and I went to Myanmar and Malaysia alone.

*Became a bridesmaid*

I’ve been a bridesmaid 4 times now, I wonder when I’ll be a bride…just kidding! I love showing up to witness my friends’ happy moments, and I feel honored that they consider me important enough to be a part of their special day. ❤️

*Started working*

Finally landed my first job as a pharmacy technician. Despite working in a very stressful environment, I was so blessed to have awesome co-workers.

25 (2020)

*Worked during the height of the COVID pandemic…and survived*

In March 2020, the world came to a standstill because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Healthcare workers like me didn’t really have the option to work from home. But we endured, persevered, and survived. That whole pandemic feels like a fever dream now, to be honest.

*Discovered I had a knack for baking (and made my birthday cake!)*

Since everyone had to remain at home for long stretches of time, we had to try out new hobbies and find new things to keep us sane and entertained. Personally, baking became my main hobby because of the ube cheese pandesal trend. But I tried baking cupcakes, cheesecakes, and macarons, and even made my own 25th birthday cake!

26 (2021)

Got infected with COVID

I got COVID 3 times so far, with the first time in Jan 2021 being the worst. The symptoms just hit me hard, like losing my sense of taste and smell. Vaccines weren’t available yet, and I had to quarantine for 10 days. But I’m thankful I recovered each time.

*Discovered my love for board games and escape rooms*

We were still in COVID limbo in 2021, and our interactions with other people were still confined within our homes. My friends and I started playing different board games, and eventually, escape rooms, when quarantine orders were eased. And to this day, we still do this often. And my escape room count is now at 35. 😅

*Went to WA, AK & NY*

We went on domestic trips in the US when it was finally okay to travel again. Also got to see Kath again after 2 years!

*Overcame my zoophobia (a little bit)*

I’ve always had an unfounded fear of animals, especially dogs. I even cried at one point in the past when we were visiting my friend at their dorm, and his dog was just running around and chasing me. But I’ve slowly eased up since my friends Christine and Trician got dogs, and I would always hang out at their houses. I just got used to it, but I still do not like being barked at, chased, and licked. 😂

*First time attending a music festival (iHeart radio)*

I dragged Trician all the way to Las Vegas on a hot September weekend just to see Olivia Rodrigo.

27 (2022)

*First time going to a rally*

I know I don’t always express my political beliefs. But in 2022, I saw a glimmer of hope for the Philippines when Leni Robredo ran for president. Her campaign was inspirational and people-driven. When somebody organized a rally for her in Los Angeles, my friends and I did not pass up the opportunity to join. It felt like a family reunion rather than a rally, and it felt so nice to be standing side by side with people who share your beliefs and your hopes for a better country. She may have lost the elections, but she ignited that spirit of nationalism for us who believed in her and what kind of nation we could’ve been under her leadership. It’s something that can never be extinguished.

*Became a licensed pharmacist in CA*

After 3 years, 4 exams and 1,500 hours of internship, I finally got my pharmacist license!

*Went on a last-minute solo trip to Peru*

During my transition from intern to pharmacist, I was suddenly told I was going to have a 2-week break from working. So of course, I wasn’t gonna waste it. I suddenly booked and planned a trip to Peru just 3 days before the departure! It was one of (if not the) most spontaneous trips I’ve done, and I had the most amazing time.

*Went back home to the Philippines after 3 years*

The pandemic obviously hindered me from going home. It was the longest time I haven’t stepped foot in the Philippines. In November 2022, I was finally able to see my friends and family again, and it felt like no time had passed.

28 (2023)

*Sat front row at the Eras Tour*

I feel like the luckiest person on Earth when I managed to secure front row tickets to The Eras Tour in LA for my friends and me! And I was able to get them during the presale, while I was on vacation in Siargao Island, with a very spotty internet! Dionne and I actually were able to watch the show for two consecutive nights, because we got last-minute nosebleed seats for the August 4 show, too. Our whole Eras experience was truly unforgettable!

*Started doing photoshoots for my friends and their friends*

Photography has always been one of my hobbies, but I never thought my friends (and their friends) would trust my skills enough for their special moments. I’m in no way a professional, but at one point I thought about taking a few photography courses. That plan hasn’t come to fruition yet, but I will always consider it as another career option. Maybe someday, I will find the time to pursue it.

*Became a godmother*

I’ve been invited to baptisms to be a godmother twice before when I was younger (because in the Philippines you can be a godparent even when you’re still in elementary lol). But this is the first time I felt like one!

29 (2024)

*Was seen on TV*

When Dionne and I attended the Manila International Film Festival in LA, we got interviewed before and after watching Firefly by GMA News. I didn’t think that interview would be shown on PH TV, but it did lol. I kind of cringed a little when I saw it, but hey, being seen on TV was actually on my bucket list, so I guess I can tick that off.

*Lost a dear friend*

I refrained from saying anything about Sarah because I feel like I didn’t deserve to. I know I wasn’t the greatest friend to her. She was my college roommate and one of my most loyal and closest friends. We’ve been through so much. We listened to and understood each other. We saw and accepted each other in our worst times. We rooted for each other and celebrated our successes together. But at one point, things just changed, and we went on with our own lives separately. When I found out she passed, my heart broke. It felt like I lost her twice. Even now, my brain doesn’t want to believe she’s no longer with us. But it’s too late for regrets, and there are just too many words that were left unspoken. I just hope one day, when I get to meet her again, I’ll be able to greet her with a warm hug.

*Stepped foot in 6 continents*

My dream of visiting all the countries of the world evolved into something a little bit more realistic and attainable, and that is to visit all 7 continents! In a little over a year, I was able to visit 6 of them — with Antarctica being the only one left I haven’t stepped foot on. Hopefully, I’ll be able to fulfill this dream in this lifetime.

*First time to fly business class*

I felt like I won in life when I managed to snag a business class seat using my credit card points on an Eva Air flight from LA to Taipei. Ngl, it is hard to go back to economy after experiencing how the rich fly. Lol.

*Started needing glasses*

I was honestly still in denial when I realized that my right eye is now nearsighted. Thankfully, my prescription isn’t that high, and I’ve accepted that this is part of getting older. I can still mostly function without them, but there are times when I do need them when driving.

Going back to blogging

I’ve always wanted to create a serious blog, and now here we are! I still don’t know if I’ll be able to pull this off, but I’m just happy I took this first step.

On the surface, I know it seems kind of funny and shallow to read some of the things I listed here. Especially because my contemporaries are experiencing major life changes and making much bigger decisions and commitments, such as getting married and building a family. But I am following my own timeline and marching to the beat of my own drums.

Today may just be an ordinary day. It’s nothing monumental, not life-changing. Tomorrow I’ll be living life as usual. But today I celebrate being able to reach this age, because a lot of people don’t. And nobody else can celebrate your life exactly the way you want it to – only you. I celebrate mine, not in an arrogant or narcissistic way, but with a heart full of gratitude. I thank God every single day that this is the life He has given me.

I used to dread leaving my 20s behind, because society made us believe those are the best years of life. That’s probably why it feels like we have something to prove, we try so hard to do and achieve many things, and be something more in those short 10 years. And we all know that pressure is greater for us women because we have our biological clocks to think about. Honestly, now that I’m finally at this point of saying goodbye to it, it doesn’t feel sad or dreadful at all. On the contrary, I feel relieved. It was a period of endlessly feeling astray, growing, learning, and figuring myself out, but I’m coming out of it happier, wiser, contented, more confident, and have slightly gotten my shit together.

The best is yet to come. I know I haven’t reached the pinnacle yet, and I really can’t wait to see what my 30s have in store for me.

Paparating pa lang tayo sa exciting part!

Going on 30: First Saturn Return + A Tribute to My 20s